Mourning the year 2020

Remembering last year, I have a feeling that I am mourning for the things we lost: the freedom of walking on the street without the fear of bumping into someone, not anxiously holding a cough or sneeze , enjoying festivals in the crowd full of people. What happened to us in the year 2020 was…

Looking for your Compassionate-self

Today, I read about self-compassion and self-confidence to understand why I react to certain things the way I do. It was a sort of self-analyze experiment that took a few trials and errors which included an hour of accumulating my emotional self, making her tea and getting her sorted in the study desk. Self confidence…

The City and the Sea

There is a wall being constructed near my place. It looks gray and sad, but very strong. They are building it to ward off the wind. The wind blows destructively around here because the sea is so close. Probably I am wrong because I am not an expert in geography or meteorology. I only know…

Sunday love

One warm Sunday morningwrapped in love, I dissolved into your arms, like melted butter You soaked me in. One warm Sunday morning You hugged me in the sofa. Your arms around my waist You pulled me closer and nothing seemed to exist anymore Just you and me. One warm Sunday morning, You gave me space,…

Milk Tea for the soul

My mother makes the milk tea way too fast. She mixes half a cup of milk with half a cup of water in the saucepan. She puts the saucepan in the gas, quickly mixes up all the other ingredients and brings it to a boil. And then she pours it into medium sized steel cup…

Felicia

On days like this,she diffuses into waves,like a bath bomb in a hot bathshe spreads her wings andflies like a falcon over my headI am her prey in the desertShe circles around me,learns my every move,mirrors them into herself.  She confuses me,like a mathematical equation,She makes sense but she doesn’t.She means to dig a hole,and…

Musings

Belongingness is defined as an emotional need or an inherent desire of humans to be accepted as a member in a group. To belong somewhere, is characterized by the feeling of acceptance. To feel the need of belonging somewhere, is characterized by acute loneliness and desperate attempt to connect. Today, my therapist told me that…

Five things I am grateful for…

I feel grateful for everything that happened to me in past three years. They were not the easiest years and they were not without struggle. Regardless, I feel grateful for living through them and coming out in the end where I feel more in peace with myself. I feel grateful for people who have been…

Spice Story

When I came to the Netherlands from Nepal, one of the things that I struggled with was finding the right spices. I grew up in the spiciest region of Kathmandu city: Ason Bahal. As soon as I would go out of my childhood home, I smelled spices. Every corner had a spice shop and a…

Anxiety in the time of Corona: I cry, and I cry and, I cry.

I cry like I am mourning someone’s death.in my chaotic world,my tears try to justify the painthat my people are going through,they try to grasp the thousand wayslife could go wrong,and lives through them with each grasp of breath.I cry like I am mourning someone’s death.And I am!!Each morsel of food I take in,reminds me…